Letting the Silence

photo courtesy of Chuck Felix, freefoto.com

I was going to post another recipe today but I’m going to talk instead about a recent struggle I’ve been going through and the power of silencing the “chatter.”

There’s been a lot of chatter in my brain recently, especially last week – debilitating chatter. With the exception of nearly halting my forward progress, it’s been mostly background noise. Until a few days ago, while  reading a favorite blog’s entry discussing the power of fear and another about “letting the balls go” or letting go of expectations, when I started distinguishing the chatter. I’ve been paralyzed recently by all the negative “what ifs”: What if I’ve spent all this time trying to build a business and no one hires me? What if a client isn’t happy with the product? What if I can’t find the materials I dream of offering clients?

Mind you, this negative streak is fairly new. I’ve been excited and hopeful and moving forward until about six weeks ago when something triggered the self-doubt button. When I think about why, the only thing that comes to mind is that I feel really alone in this venture and feel like I’ve cashed in all my “ask people I know for help and guidance” chips.

If you know me at all – through this blog or personally – then it might cross your mind that the above scenario might trigger old emotional/compulsive eating habits. That’s actually part of the chatter that I have been aware of and, for the most part, have been able to control. But this particular day last week was a whole different can of worms: Nothing I ate – all healthy, balanced and fairly routine – was satisfying. I just kept wanting more, wishing for more; and specifically, I wanted fried chicken (the Southern girl in me was screaming!) But, no. I stuck to the plan and knew it would pass. Then, the time came to go to my yoga class.

I had the hardest time getting the chatter to stop – ironic, since earlier, I’d made the analogy that dismissing fear could be done by breathing deeply like one would do to quiet the mind when holding a yoga pose. Not that day, and why was that damn instructor holding poses for so long anyway?! Finally, the end of class arrived and it was time for savasana – corpse or final resting pose. I lay down on my mat, deep breath in… deep breath out… and finally, I relaxed. Then it happened – I felt this huge veil lift from behind my eyes and – okay, no laughing at me here – I literally saw pieces of fried chicken lift off my brain and fly away!  Okay, they didn’t actually fly, just floated away… When the instruction came to sit in our final position, I came to and had no idea where I was – that’s how deeply I fell once the chatter stopped.

Honestly, I’m not sure what the moral of the story is, other than letting the chatter – fear’s disguise – take over can stop anyone from taking a leap, or even a small step forward. Fear and negativity – whether it comes from our own doubts or even from “concerned” people in your circle – can be debilitating, can be what keeps us from reaching for the stars, can be what keeps up from reaping great rewards. So, instead of letting the chatter fill your mind… let the silence.

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8 Responses to “Letting the Silence”

  1. Wow, I never new that, much appreciated.

  2. Morton Vires says:

    thankyou lots, I am obliged to announce that your blog is excellent!

  3. Ernest says:

    Hi! Is it alright if I go a bit off topic? I am trying to read your blog on my new iPhone but it doesn’t display properly, do you have any suggestions? Cheers! Ernest

    • rrafii says:

      oooh, sorry… I have no clue as I don’t have an iPhone… can you give me more info about what is or is not happening? You can’t log onto site? it’s not showing up on RSS feed????

  4. Simone Tilburg says:

    Hello this post is very interesting. I’ll use it for my blog :). Can you reply me some related articles I could use too?

    • rrafii says:

      Can you please share the link to your blog? I would like to know how you will “use” or refer to this post before I approve. Thank you.

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